whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
