dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
