guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
