Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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