Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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