fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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