I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
