How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
