Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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