Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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