Just mADE A PArabola og urine
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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