I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
