I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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