I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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