I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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