Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
