this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
