Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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