You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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