you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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