Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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