a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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