I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
