if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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