we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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