I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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