That's intense
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
