I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
