Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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