He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You have to summon your inner elephant
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
