There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
