What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize