flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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