Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
