i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
