I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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