So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
