I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
