just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
