I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
