just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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