The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
