i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize