You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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