I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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