I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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