I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you never un-have a 4some
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
