the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
