I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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