Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize