apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Damn victory sex feels great
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
