I wish my penis had an off switch
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
