I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
