I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
