I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
