her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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