My liver just broke up with me...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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