well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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