he wants to bone in the snuggie
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
